Realizations
by Jibiathon
Summary: COMPLETE....Told from Jareth and Sarah's POVs. Each admits to themselves that they love the other, but will they have the courage to admit it to each other?
1. Jareth

**A/N: **This story is kind of different, but I got the idea and I just wanted to try it. Each chapter is told from either Jareth's or Sarah's POV. The chapters are pretty short, but it's finished, and I'll post the whole story even if no one reviews, although I'd appreciate some feedback; let me know if anyone likes this!

**Disclaimer: **I'll only put this on here once, since I would think it's fairly obvious that I don't own Jareth or Sarah, seeing as how I spend my time writing stories online and not spending the millions I would have.

Ch 1

**Jareth**

I don't watch her every day. Not even every week, or every month. I believe I have managed to get that voyeuristic urge out of my system. At least, for the most part. There are days, like today, when I feel especially alone in this dark, dreary castle, filled with nothing but dim-witted goblins. These are the days that I might conjure a crystal, sometimes without even realizing I'm doing it, and just watch her. I tell myself these glimpses into her privacy are just an amusing way to pass my time, nothing more. Sometimes I watch for a minute, or two, or sometimes an hour, or two. It doesn't matter how much time I spend here, staring into crystals, for there is nothing else for me to do.

I supposed I could go to work in my study, for although my kingdom is imaginary to most and overrun with goblins, nevertheless there is still work to be done. But I decide against that. I supposed I could visit the Goblin City, speaking with my subjects and interacting in their lives as a good king would. But I decide against that as well. I supposed I could resume my nightly flights, for as an owl, I loved to spend hours gliding over my land, checking that all was in order and enjoying its beauty. But I cannot do that anymore.

My kingdom seems to have lost some of its beauty. Although the fields are still green, the flowers still bloom, and the seas still shimmer, somehow it doesn't hold the same fascination for me as it used to. I tell myself that I have just lived too long, that I have become jaded, so of course the land would eventually lose some of its beauty in my eyes. Of course I would grow tired of interacting with goblins for hundreds of years. Of course the tedious but necessary paperwork would seem dull.

I tell myself it is just a coincidence, the timing of my loss of interest in my kingdom. There was no event that started my decline into seclusion. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

But as difficult as it is to lie, it is all the more difficult to lie to yourself, when you know the truth but deny it in order to fill your head with untruths.

It's becoming too hard to lie to myself, and I have to admit now the real reason behind my depression. Ah, depression. Yes, that is most certainly what this is, this dark, cold feeling of loneliness that constantly surrounds me. I think I use this depression as a shield against the truths I am holding back from myself.

But I can do it no longer. I have tried to hold back the truth as long as I can, because as long as I stay in denial, I do not have to deal with the feelings that the truth will bring. But I can't keep it back now, it wants to make an appearance, and is forcing its way out. Whether the truth will save me or kill me, I do not know.

But the truth finally emerges_. I am in love. _Yes, I ,the cold, cruel Goblin King, am in love. Like a fool, I didn't manage to hold on to all of my heart during her brief visit, and when she left me, some of my heart went with her.

Oh, why do fools fall in love? Why does something as solid and real as a heart become so intangible and uncertain when it falls in love? I do not know, and don't waste time dwelling on these questions, for fear that I will never be able to answer them.

But I have finally admitted the truth to myself, and in doing so, I feel a layer of my depression lift, as if the truth has cleansed it away. I narrow my eyes, thinking, for now that I have admitted the cause of my state of mind, perhaps I can fix it.

For five years, I have been brooding about my castle. I have shown no interest in my kingdom, and I know my subjects are worried. But now that I have identified the source of my problem, perhaps I can finally do something about it.

I contemplate doing nothing. Is it not enough that I have admitted to myself that I am in love with the girl? Can't I just go on with my life as I used to?

I sigh. Of course I can't. What would be the use? I realize now that my kingdom holds no interest for me because she is not in it. For thirteen hours, these lands seemed brighter, more majestic, simply because of her presence. When she was gone, she seemed to take some of that beauty with her.

I want that beauty back. Am I talking about the beauty of the lands, or the beauty of the girl? I ask myself this question, and come to realize that the two are one and the same.

I also realize that beauty will never again grace this kingdom for me. She would never come back to me. She could never see me as anything but a heartless villain. Oh, if only she knew what was in my heart. I close my eyes as I realize I am destined to rule this land alone, for all eternity, and for that eternity, life will seem bleaker and bleaker with each coming day. As I sit and ponder on this terrifying future, a single word escapes my lips.

"_Sarah…"_


	2. Sarah

Ch 2

**Sarah**

Every day seems the same. Each morning, I wake up, get dressed, go to work, come home, eat dinner, go to bed, and then it starts all over again the next day. Weekends are a slight break in the routine, but then they are routine in their own right. My weekends are filled with take-out food and television.

I rarely go out; my friends often try to lure me to a bar or nightclub, but it all seems silly to me. What's the point? Get all dressed up to show yourself off, in the hopes of picking up a man? Why would I do that, when the man I want no longer wants me?

I push that thought out of my mind. _Don't think about him_, I remind myself. Because when I do, it brings nothing but feelings of sadness and loneliness.

I sigh. It's no use. I go through this routine every day, trying to put him out of my mind but always giving in to the thoughts and memories. I relent and allow myself to picture him, and it makes me smile. Perhaps time had dimmed the real image of him and I was simply glorifying him in my mind, but he was, quite simply, the most beautiful man I had ever seen.

Oh, how I had hated him. I think back to those first few years after I had left him, and I remember a burning hatred. How I hated him for taking my brother! How I hated him for trying to deceive me! How I hated him for making me fall in love with him!

Yes, I had fallen in love with him. Although being barely more than a child, I could hardly have been expected to understand that, could I? It wasn't until years later that I realized the truth. I had been feeding a burning hatred for a man who had done nothing more than I had asked him to do. He had truly turned the world upside down, just for me.

I was horrified when I came to the realization that I loved him. How could I love a man who I had only known for thirteen hours, who I hadn't seen in almost five years, a man who I had spent a great deal of energy hating? I didn't understand how it could be, but I accepted it. Sometimes you just know when something's true and there's no point in trying to deny it. So I accepted that I loved him.

What I couldn't accept, however, was the fact that the man I loved was a king in a magical fairy-tale land, and that there was no hope of me ever seeing him again. Because why would he want to see me? He had offered me my dreams, he had offered me his heart, and what did I do? I left him. I had turned him down. I had rejected him. He must be feeling the same hatred for me that I used to feel for him.

So for these reasons, I made a pact with myself to put him out of my mind. I had accepted the fact that I loved him but couldn't have him. I decided to get on with my life. This pact was made a year ago.

In the year since, I don't believe I have kept my word with myself for even one day. Sometimes I even start to worry that something is wrong with me. How can it be normal to be so obsessed with a man? But I usually ignore that thought when it occurs to me, for nothing was normal about our brief relationship. I can't expect my feelings about an abnormal experience to be normal, can I?

And so here I am. I am a twenty-year old woman leading a dull, meaningless life. I sit here at night trying to think of anything but the man who haunts my dreams, but I usually fail. He is always there, in the back of my mind, and I think a part of me thrives on the memory of him. I close my eyes and I can almost hear him calling me. _Sarah, _I hear, but I know it's only in my head. I know he will never call for me. I sigh as his name softly escapes my lips.

"_Jareth…"_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

**A/N: **Thank you for reading, let me know what you think! I appreciate the reviews.


	3. Jareth II

Ch 3

**Jareth**

As I sit here brooding over the foolishness of love, I hear something I can't quite believe._ Jareth. _It is her voice, that's for certain, and I am filled with a mixed set of emotions. Ha, emotions! Until this day I had convinced myself that emotions were obsolete; I did not allow myself to feel much of anything. But today, all of my repressed emotions are coming back to haunt me, and as I hear her voice-_Jareth_-my heart is filled with something I can't identify.

Is it love? Most surely love is part of what I feel. But no, I also feel something else, something I am much more comfortable with, and that is anger. Anger that she has ignored me for five years, and now she calls my name? And she used my name, nonetheless! Never had I heard her speak my name, and in the midst of my mind's confusion of dealing with my feelings of love and anger, I suddenly come to a realization.

She thinks of me as a man. Not as the Goblin King, not as a heartless villain. No, she said my name, and in doing so she has acknowledged, consciously or unconsciously, that I am a man, a person with a name and feelings, and this small realization makes me—what is this, am I feeling joy? Yes, I suppose it must be joy, this alien feeling that makes my heart race.

But I cannot allow myself to show this joy, this elation at what has been revealed to me. I must concentrate on the brief flash of anger that I felt, because that allows me to stay cruel and cold, which I have been for so long that it hardly feels like I'm choosing to be that way. For centuries, I have just been. I haven't thought about why I was the way I am, until she came along and made me question everything.

Did I like having my life turned upside down because of that girl? No, I tell myself, you would have been much better off had she never come to your kingdom. But alas, she has been here, and I have seen and felt how much better life would be if she were here still, and I can't ignore this. No, I can't ignore this, but I do not have to like it.

I make my decision. I decide to go to her. She has called me, and I cannot ignore that call. Whether it was intentional or unintentional doesn't matter. I must go to her and solve the unresolved issues in my mind, and I know that only another confrontation with her will allow me to set my mind at ease.

I feel a surprising flutter of nervousness in the pit of my stomach as I think about seeing her again. I frown. I am nervous about seeing a mere mortal girl? How can his be?

_Because you love her, you fool, and you are terrified she will reject you again. _I curse at this thought, and without allowing myself to dwell on it any longer, I change myself to my long-abandoned owl form and disappear, heading in the direction of her call.

_Sarah_, _beware. I am coming, and I fear for both of our hearts._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

**A/N: **Thanks so much to those of you that reviewed, I really appreciate it! If you're reading and not reviewing, PLEASE review, even a really short one will make me happy! I wasn't too sure about this story, and I'd like to know what everyone thinks. Thanks!


	4. Sarah II

Ch 4

**Sarah**

As I sit here, staring at the television but not watching it, I try to remember when I lost my dreams. I used to have ambitions, hopes, dreams, but somewhere along the way I seem to have lost them, and I didn't realize it until now. But now it's clear to me why my life is so dull, so meaningless; I have no hope anymore of making my life better. My dreams are gone.

Oh, how I used to dream when I was young! Daydreams and fantasies filled my days, and suddenly, I long for those days, when I was so innocent and full of hope. What has happened to me?

I don't want to answer that question, but my mind spits out the answer anyway. _You fell in love. _But that's foolish, I tell myself. How can falling in love put an end to my dreams? Unfortunately, my mind knows the answer to that question as well. _You tried to shut your dreams away. _That doesn't make sense, I try to tell myself. But deep down, I understand that it does.

When I realized I loved him, I did my best to put him out of my mind, although I admit that I failed dismally. He was my dream, my fantasy; for thirteen hours, fantasy had become reality. But I forced myself to put my dreams away, to hate him. I had spent so much energy hating him that I failed to dream any longer, perhaps for fear that dreams would hurt me as they had done in the past. I realize now that my downward spiral had begun the moment I left him.

So I sit here thinking of life and love and dreams, and my lack of all three. I am startled by a tapping at my window, and even more startled to see a lovely white owl perched outside my window, staring at me, hypnotizing me with its deep, mesmerizing eyes.

An idea approaches my mind, and I immediately dismiss it. No, this is just an ordinary owl, although what a coincidence it shows up as I am thinking of another owl! My foolishness is almost laughable. _He will never come to you, Sarah_.

But my mind is betraying me, and I lose my trust in the rationality of my mind as the owl is gone and the man appears before me. Although I never expected him to come, I am not surprised to see him. Part of me feels as though I have been waiting for this moment for a long time. He is silent, watching me, and I am aware that I am staring at him but there is nothing I can do to stop it. .

His eyes are like magnets; it is hard to tear my gaze away from him. I explore the face I had pictured so often, and discover that I had not glorified him in my mind, for the man standing before me possesses an ethereal beauty that my mind can barely comprehend, let alone display.

I feel something stirring inside me, and I struggle to push it down. But this feeling I haven't felt in so long refuses to be pushed aside, and against my will, hope emerges. Hope that he has come for me, hope that I can allow my dreams to surface, hope that he is as drawn to me as I am to him.

I stare into his eyes as he stares into my eyes, both of us waiting but not knowing what for. I feel my heart ache and my hope fade as I see a cold emptiness in his eyes. _Oh, you fool_, I tell myself,_ did you expect him to fall to his knees before you and profess his undying love_?

I am almost fearful of the look in his eyes, those strange, beautiful mismatched eyes. I struggle to understand what his eyes are silently telling me, but I can't. He is a book I cannot read, no matter how hard I try.

He steps closer to me and I am scared, for his eyes are glittering so ferociously I have to look away. What is he thinking, what is he doing, what does he want with me?

He continues to step closer and I am frozen, unable to move, and then he is in front of me, only inches away from me, and then he is kissing me, kissing me so hard it hurts.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews, I love them! Keep 'em coming:-)


	5. Jareth III

Ch 5

**Jareth**

She did not see me for a long time, although I perched right in front of her window. So I simply watched her. She looked troubled, and I felt the strange urge to make her troubles go away. I shook off this urge, telling myself the Goblin King comforts no one.

Finally, I grew tired of sitting and watching, of having her so near and doing nothing about it. I tapped on the window to get her attention and saw her startled look. I watched the different emotions cross her face, swearing I saw her eyes brighten as she saw me, then dim as she looked away. I decided I'd had enough of this watching, so I appeared to her.

She seems startled to see me, almost fearful, and I almost speak, not wanting her to fear me, but I don't. We stare at each for an indeterminable amount of time, and I think I see something flash in her eyes, but I can't be certain. I only know that looking at her makes me feel what I have tried to repress for so long. I am torn between wanting to simply love her or wanting to hate her for making me love her.

I see her watching me closely, and I step closer to her. She looks unsure but still I continue to approach. When I am directly in front of her, I see in her eyes that she fears me, perhaps not always, but at this moment in time she fears me, and I want to take that fear away so lean down and kiss her, harder than I meant to, but it can't be helped. Love makes one act foolish.

I am surprised that she is responding, but not unpleasantly surprised. She moves her body closer as her lips seek mine. I pull her close and caress her tongue with mine, delighting in the soft whimper it elicits from her. _I love you_. I realize I am close to saying this, and abruptly push her away.

She looks at me with wide eyes, and I can see she is unsure of what is happening. I want to go to her, to comfort her, to love her, but I cannot. What stops me, I don't know. Perhaps it is simply my foolish pride, not able to withstand another rejection.

She looks at me, warily. What stops us from speaking, I don't know. It has been so long since we have last spoken, and I shudder as I recall what her last words to me where.

_You have no power over me._

How I loathed her at that moment! Such a foolish girl, could she not see I was offering her her dreams? And yet she turned me down, rejected me, rejected my love. I narrow my eyes at her as a thought occurs to me. _Does she know I love her?_ I don't know, and I can read nothing in her eyes. But I wonder if she truly does not understand, or perhaps she does understand and does not want me. No, I have to push that thought aside, for at this moment in time I could not bear the thought of her rejecting me. It is easy to admit my love for her to myself when she is right in front of me. So beautiful, so fragile…fragile? I frown at that, for the girl I remembered was stubborn, willful, anything but fragile. What had happened to her?

I need time to process these thoughts running through my head, and I know nothing will be accomplished tonight, at least nothing more than that foolish kiss. I look at her. _I love you. _Then I am once again an owl and fly away into the night.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: AngelaScarlet, I agree--I can't stand it when Sarah slaps Jareth! I have this story finished and uploaded, so I may post the rest today, no point in delaying it. Thank you all for reading, and don't forget to review!


	6. Sarah III

Ch 6

**Sarah**

I stand at the window, looking after him long after he is gone. Finally I return to my spot on the couch and try to calm my frantic heart. My mind whirls as I try to comprehend what had just happened. I touch a finger to my lips, still swollen from his kiss. _He kissed me. _Why? I ponder this question endlessly, coming up with no answer to satisfy me.

Would he kiss me if he did not love me? That is the question whose answer I fear most. Could he love me? _No, you stupid girl, you rejected him, how could he love you?_ I try to push that thought aside as I remember the look in his eyes before he left. I could have sworn I saw true emotion in those strange, beautiful eyes. If I didn't know better, I would say I saw love in his eyes.

But I do know better. He could never love me. I do not know what he was doing here, why he came, why he kissed me. Perhaps I will never know, perhaps I'll be doomed to never see him again and be left with these damnable questions in my head. Perhaps he was simply playing with me, how am I to know? Oh, if only I'd spoken up when I had the chance! But how could I, with his eyes staring into mine, hypnotizing me. What could I have done but nothing?

I close my eyes in frustration. These questions are getting me nowhere. I decide to simply go to bed and allow the night to work its magic, hoping it brings clarity and resolution to my situation.

But as I lie here in bed, sleep is not coming easy. I cannot let go of the thoughts that continue to make themselves known to me. _He must love you, why else would he come? But then why would he leave? Why didn't he speak to you? Why didn't you speak to him?_ And the kiss. I welcomed any thought into my mind, except thoughts of that kiss. Thinking of that kiss would send my mind into a tailspin of emotional destruction. I know I cannot handle thinking of that for now, so I choose to set it aside.

Oh, but how stupid of me. Everyone knows that when you try to set something aside in your mind, it is always the first thing to appear. I sigh, damning my mind for doing this to me. I lie here, trying to will sleep to come, but all I can do is picture him in my mind, picture him as he was kissing me_. What did it mean?_ I fear I may never know. But as my mind is running through every possible meaning for that kiss, I finally, slowly drift into a restless sleep.

Now it is morning, and I don't bother to get up. I continue to lie here in bed, because there is no point in getting up. My dreams had been filled with him, some nightmares, but some good. I curse the fact that morning had brought with it no new insight, just the same questions running around and around my head.

I fear I may go mad if I allow this to continue. I thought I was obsessed before! That was nothing until now. Obsession is frightening, and I do not want to be obsessed with him. How can I get him out of my mind? What am I supposed to do?

I curse my loss of ambition. If there was still ambition, the ability to dream, left in me, I would be okay. I would get out of bed and force myself to do…something, anything but lie here and wallow in self-pity. But I have no ambition, he has taken that with him, and I don't know if I will ever have it back.

I know that the only way to clear my head is to see him again. Only he can give me the answers I crave. But if seeing him once has done this to me, what will seeing him again do? I shudder to think, but I believe I have no choice. I need answers, I need resolution, and so, before I lose my nerve, I call him. I need to tell him the truth.

"_Jareth."_


	7. Jareth IV

Ch 7

**Jareth**

I sit here, sprawled on my throne, deep in thought. I did not sleep well, for there are too many thoughts that need to be dealt with. I am not used to this feeling of vulnerability, and I try to find a way out of this. But the longer I think, the more absolute it becomes that there is no way out of this.

I love her, and I must have her.

But I am not going to have her if she does not want me. Oh, make no mistake, I could take her against her will, bring her here with me, but if I were to do that she would be little more than a slave. No, a slave is not what I want. I want her to love me.

I lay my head in my hands as I realize this. How can this be? How is it possible that I have avoided love for countless centuries, and now I am obsessing over a mortal girl? How is it possible that she has bewitched me so? But again, I cannot lie to myself. I know that it is my fault as well, for allowing her to take a piece of my heart. But how was I to know we would end up like this?

My mind wanders back to what I have tried to avoid. The kiss. Oh, what was I thinking, kissing her like that? And what was she thinking, kissing me back? It's enough to torture a man! I don't dare believe she loves me. That would be as foolish as falling in love itself. But I cannot help dwelling on the fact that she kissed me back.

And the way she looked. She was still beautiful, but there was another air about her, something I can't quite put my finger on. I recall that she seemed fragile. What could have happened to cause her to lose her fiery will, her air of stubbornness? I ponder this, unable to come up with an answer.

I frown. What am I hearing? _Jareth. _How could it be? How could she be calling me? My heart pounds as I contemplate going to her or ignoring her call. _Don't be an ass, go to her!_ I decide to listen to my brain, as well as my heart, and heed her call. I can do nothing but hope that she does not again break my heart, for now I know how fragile a heart can be.

I appear in front of her, and am surprised to see her in bed. Surely she did not mean to call for me while she was still in bed? I look questioningly at her, and she appears to be deep in thought. I notice that she does not seem to be the least bit frightened of me, and that pleases me. She sits up, and I am surprised when she speaks, and even more surprised at what I hear.

"_Jareth, I love you_." I look at her, unable to believe what I just heard. I stare deep into her eyes, trying to discern whether or not this is a cruel joke, for I could not bear a joke as cruel as this! But in her eyes, I see nothing but truth and hope.

Is this real? Did the woman I love really just confess that she loves me as well? I look at her curiously, wanting her to repeat herself, but she is silent. I sense she is waiting for me to speak.

_Of course she is, you fool. Tell her. _Still I hesitate, finding it hard to speak my feelings, since it is something I have rarely, if ever done. I can sense her moving away, not physically, but it seems the longer I hesitate, the more withdrawn she is becoming. I speak before I lose her completely.

"_I love you Sarah." _How wide her eyes are! I can tell she had fully expected me not to respond, at least not with that, and I see happiness in her eyes, and now there is something else, just a flicker of something, but it is there nonetheless. How was I to know that I had just given her back her hopes and dreams?

Without thinking I kiss her. It is a soft, gentle kiss, one she is responding to. Oh, if only I had known how erotic a kiss could be! I pull away gently, not wanting to rush this strange new relationship we are forming.

I look at her, uncertain as to what would come next. I decide not to fear my feelings and instead enjoy them, and I am surprised to feel a smile break out on my face. I do not know that last time I smiled. I see her smile back, and I reach out my hand to her, hoping she knows what I am asking her to do. She does, and she does not hesitate to grab my hand and allow me to take her to my castle, my home, where she can now be my companion, my queen, my wife, and the woman I will love for the rest of time.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: The End. So? What'd you think? Good, bad, somewhere in between? Let me know!


End file.
